Men… take note. This is perfection!!! A surprise whisk-away for our 19th anniversary. Reservations at a local restaurant I’ve been wanting to try – The Twisted Trout (perfect for a special occasion). Then to the Bedford Springs for a drink and a shared piece of pie (we wondered how it is we’ve never stayed at the Springs and promised to remedy that on year 20). Then we went back to our room at The 1788 Inn – it’s a wonderful, new(ish) B&B in Breezewood – we were never more than 10 miles from home and yet I felt like we had traversed the globe on a whirlwind date night… romance….
Incidentally – see how Dan is in my phone as “Poops” – I have a couple of points to make about this… First, it’s our mutual pet name and the story of how it came about is boring, I try to stay away from boring stories… Second, there is nothing and I mean NOTHING more infuriating than being in the midst of a knock-down-drag-out text fight with him and every time he sends one of his stupid, shithead, asshat messages my phone dings and I see, “Poops” pop up on my screen – let this be a warning, think wisely before creating a contact! And third… if your husband is in your phone as “Poops” and your DAD is in your phone as “Pops” be über careful before sending those dirty texts… dads don’t want to know what you got in store for your husband later…
ok… so back to it being my anniversary – which it is, today, May 24th. Nineteen years. We only promised each other 60 – this really bugs the hell outta Calvin, “Mom, stop, are you and dad really gonna divorce in 2057?” …as if I’ll have the money for a divorce attorney after all of the plastic surgery. I haven’t mentioned our special day a whole helluva lot today, as people will undoubtedly belittle our accomplishment – clearly anniversary-having is the only competition those people can win… I really, REALLY loathe people who say shit like, “19 years? Is that all? You guys are newlyweds…. I’ve been married for 49 years…” Does anybody else hate that??? Is it just me? is it because of my personality disorder?
We’ve lived quite a bit in our 19 years, Dan Iseminger and I… we’ve gone to school as a married couple, had some kids, bought a house, bought a business, dealt with a terrible loss… I guess we do alright. There are days, moments when I think about him and my heart hurts because it’s so full and I wonder why he’s stayed; I think, “You could do so much better. You DESERVE so much better.” And I close my eyes and hope with everything I have in me, that he never realizes this truth.
I also find myself frequently wondering what the hell he sees when he looks at me – it’s been 19 years, 3 kids and 30 some odd pounds and he still thinks I’m the hottest woman he’s ever seen – I don’t know if he’s just that wonderful or if he knows there’s no easy way out so he’s just talked himself into believing it… I look at him and ask myself, “Why? why am I so lucky? what have I done to deserve him and this amazing life we share?”
And then there are times I wonder, “how bad can prison really be?” I dunno, I’d like to say I marvel at couples who don’t fight, who don’t know marital strife, but mostly I just think – have they never remodeled? do they not have mothers? or fathers? are they just 2 happily married orphans? have they never had to read the same map? are they independently wealthy? have they never rowed a boat together? have they always had duplicate checks in their shared checkbook? when they make brownies… do they sit down and rationally discuss who will get the last one? does nobody in their house fall asleep on the couch – every.single.night? is everybody turning their clothes right-side out before washing? do they not have a competitive bone in their body? has neither partner ever experienced digestive issues? how are these people not arguing? have they never, for even 1 second, questioned their decision?
We’ve spent the better part of the last quarter century fighting about the most inane things… and I admit… it’s 97.9888% me. Dan would love to be one of those angstless couples…
he done married the wrong girl.
I am the person who celebrates the minutiae of life (I spent 5 minutes this morning jumping on Abby because her newly-learned French-braiding was magnificent); I am also the person who will wage war over who slept worse last night… passion is not a one-way street my friends. For the most part, Dan has come to accept me and my emotionally unstable ways… he’s learned to just wait it out. That’s what a coupla decades will do to ya – it’ll wear ya right the hell down.
For my part… I’ve come to accept(?)… expect(!) immaturity (and not of the attractive variety… no cutesiness here, people). There we were Saturday evening – at the Springs, in a romantic nook, holding hands across the table, looking into each other’s eyes – no words, just knowing smiles – the smiles of 2 people who have spent years nurturing an intimacy of such profoundly deep proportions, it often catches us off guard…
*burrrrrrrppppppp*
His laughter matched the exaggeration of my eye-roll. “Ooooh I seem to be rifting dinner. [uncontrollable chuckling] ‘Rift’ – what a great word. I mean… of course I think it’s perfect ’cause I know the definition but even if I didn’t… if you said ‘rift’ to me – I’d know exactly what the hell you meant.”
I leaned in… “is this foreplay? only askin’ ’cause ya know… I’m just trying to get a handle on the direction this evening is taking…”
So here we are… 19 years later. Lots of things done right, a few screw ups, tons of remarkable memories, some things we’d like to forget, amazing shenanigans, questionable antics… and a whole lot of love. We’re far from perfect, we’ve both made our fair share of mistakes (him more than me, obviously) but it works for us.
As we sat on the couch this morning, holding hands I asked, “You gonna work on that committee report tonight?”
“I hope not.”
“ok… I think I’ll make something special for dinner.”
he gave me the raised eyebrows
“ok… I’ll think up something special for YOU to make for dinner.”
he smirked
“ok… so once you get to the counter, tell them we want a whole box of tacos and – because it’s a special occasion – we’re going supreme tonight..”
Dan Iseminger you are my soul mate and I adore you. Our lives could’ve taken so many different turns before we met and yet I know we would’ve found each other… Thank you for never realizing your partner potential…
Beautiful.