As soon as I got home last night Cal started telling me and Dan about his afternoon at Pop’s. It’s pretty neat that the kids can just hop on a different school bus and ride out to Pop’s on a whim… oh…. did I say ‘on a whim’? I meant “in a childcare emergency” :/
Apparently there were some tree stands that needed to be moved. I have a vague idea of what goes on in these situations – that is to say I know what a tree stand is… anything beyond that – I got nothin’.
So after a day of academic education, Cal headed south for his, uh… more real life education.
I think only the people who know my dad will appreciate this story fully; those people will be able to “hear” him in my words. I’ll try to help out those of you who’ve never had the pleasure….
I’ve been told I have gift in developing characters – my readers often say they feel like they know the people I talk about… yet I can find no words that will do justice to the man who is my father. He is absolutely, without question and without compare my true hero – he also competes pretty tightly with Dan as the biggest pain in my ass (meanwhile – for both of them – I’m simply a dream-come-true).
We spend many an evening sharing Pop stories – the 5 I’s often sit around the dining room table, cracking up to the point of tears, telling our stories; Dan has the most entertaining tales because Pop can really let himself go unchecked in adult male company (based on Cal’s retelling of his day with Pop – he clearly considers Cal, “adult male company”).
My dad is a walking ball of testosterone – period, end of story. He worked construction most of his life, he hunts, he drinks rum and pepsi, he – to this day – cuts all his own firewood, his heroes are John Wayne and Dale Earnhart – you know… MEN.
My dad is also a very funny guy – mostly in a cynical, sarcastic way; funny as hell, though. I get my sense of humor from him – he’s quick witted and (without the benefit of a multi-thousand dollar college education) has the ability to make words his bitch. His phrasing is what makes him so funny – scratch that, his bitterness in completely benign situations in addition to his wording – is what makes him so funny.
His relationship with my son is one for the ages. I marvel at the bond they share. My dad and my brother never had a relationship to speak of – there’s plenty of blame to be passed around in that situation but the crux of the matter is an absolute lack of commonality. My dad had completely different interests than my brother – neither tried to understand the other.
Along came Cal… a boy who only wants to do what Pop does. They hunt together, fish together, watch NASCAR together, Pop was Cal’s little league coach for years… they are besties – inasmuch as a 12-year old can be besties with a 67-year old.
Pop, being Pop, thinks Cal is the smartest kid, best athlete, funniest boy ever to grace this earth all while having no tolerance for his air-headed ways. He will brag the boy up to anybody who’ll listen (and even to those who’ve stopped listening) and he’ll just as vehemently call the boy out for being a bonehead – and I mean, he REALLY calls him out… Cal takes it all like a champ, and gives it back – much to my horror…
Pop will be scolding Cal for something he’s done that’s not very bright or for simply acting like a goof and Cal just laughs him off – HE.LAUGHS.HIM.OFF! oh dear God… I cannot put into words the fear which snuffs out my entire soul – my heart starts pumping hard, the sweating begins, I frantically look for an emergency exit… then Pop just smiles. Waitttttt… whaaaaaat? Who knew this tactic worked? All those years I was getting my ass beat – I should’ve just laughed at him…
It would take years and more words than I know to fully and accurately detail the relationship between these 2… Pop loves the girls, too – he thinks the sun rises and sets wherever Miss Alexandra happens to be standing; Abby hits him right where he lives – she is me, a generation later, I am Pop, a generation later… God help the person who hurts one of those girls….
So back to the point of this story – Cal telling us about his afternoon with Pop. Remember me telling you several paragraphs ago that Pop clearly considers Cal ‘of age’ – well, I know this because Cal’s recount of the day was mostly a barrage of ‘beep’s and age-appropriate abbreviations (listen… I know my kid swears, he learned it from me for chrissake… he’s just not old enough to do it on my watch, even if he is retelling a story).
Cal started the conversation wide-eyed and giggling, “Oooooooh I heard Pop drop the f-bomb today….” Dan and I settled in for some good Pop stories…
“So we were heading out to the furthest tree stand and Pop asked if I wanted to drive,” [Pop has an Ace – it’s an all-terrain vehicle with a steering wheel and cage], “so… you know, I said ‘yeah’.” [Cal can barely speak – the laughing is starting], “I mighta, sorta ran him into some briars…” [laughing, bent over laughing], “he was standing there, trying to get untangled from the briars and he got all mad and said, ‘Calvin… there’s 10 acres of field to your right and you ran me into the *F-ing* briars?!?!?!?!”
To be fair to the boy here – Pop is a master of hyperbole… the ’10-acre field’ was probably a 4 foot swath of clearing…
“Then I dropped a coupling,” [it connects 2 lengths of ladder – I know this only because I asked], “Pop was bent over looking for it and all I heard,” [Cal is bent over laughing], “all I heard,” [laughing], “all I heard was Pop… mad… ‘bare ground all around and this *GD*SOB* has to fall in a big *A* pile of rocks, sticks and animal *Sh–*.'”
By this time the 3 of us were in fits of laughter. Cal just kept shaking his head, laughing and saying, “Pop….” (As a side note – had I been the 12-year old dropping that coupling… well, he woulda made me climb down and find that *GD*SOB* myself)
I guess at one point Cal was up a tree, on a ladder and it started to fall backwards [think Clark Griswold]; I guess Cal was a tad scared and started shouting, “Pop! Pop! POP!” [the man is cool as a cucumber – I’m sure he was caught off guard but apparently he casually reached out and pushed the ladder back]. Cal said, “He grabbed the ladder and [Cal starts giggling] said, ‘*JC* Calvin, if I had known you were gonna be such a sissy, I’d have done this by myself…”
Cal giggling, “At the last tree stand Pop got his hand caught in a greenbriar… [giggling] so he’s all standing there shaking his hand like this, swearing at the briar,” [Cal is difficult to understand because he’s laughing so hard], “he was just swearing like crazy and I was laughing at him… he looked up and said, ‘why the *H* is everything so *GD* funny to you, boy?’ [Cal busting a gut]…But you shoulda heard him swearing at that briar!!!”
Yeah…. Cal got quite a lesson yesterday afternoon. I marvel at Cal’s resilience – my word, if Pop yelled at me like that – I’d probably still be laying out in the woods, curled up in the fetal position, crying; not Cal, he just laughs and says he can’t wait to go hang with Pop again…
The upside is: the tree stands are up and ready to be occupied and Cal is learning stuff that only Pop can teach him (the tree stand stuff… we all have a hand in teaching the swearing part). The downside: eh… there really is no downside – this kid hears (and apparently SAYS) worse on the bus and in his circle of friends…
At the beginning of bow season Pop was bustin’ Cal’s chops a little, saying one of them had to lose some weight, the stands were getting a little tight with both of them perched in one… Pop said it in his way, poking fun of Cal’s stocky build – but I saw through his sarcasm… I heard the melancholy through the bite, Pop knows it won’t be much longer ’til his boy is out in those stands by himself and I think he already misses his little buddy…..
Just loved this one!!!