The Isemingers are getting new flooring in the kitchen today and tomorrow (sure… why not? We started this remodel in October – of course the floors would be installed the 2 days prior to my vacation… 4 months later).
It was with mixed emotions that I dared enter that pantry last evening to begin the emptying. I mean… on the one hand – who doesn’t love a good cleanse and purge, ya know? On the other – our pantry is to Dan’s hoarding as a nucleus is to a cell, it is the sun to his hoarding galaxy…. My husband is a foodie; I’ve seen him tear up in grocery stores, a good condiment… makes his eyes roll back in his head.
Anywho, I made the mistake of encouraging him to help me (encouraging? demanding? you say potato…). First thing he grabs, “hmmmmm this expired in November but I bet it’s still good.”
“Get out! Get the hell outta here now, I’ll do it myself! I just can’t trust you!”
About 20 minutes later I glared at him and said, “Why are you not helping me? You do understand the floor is coming tomorrow, right?”
Now… lemme say this… I can kinda see how this might possibly be a tad confusing for Dan. Buuuut after some coaching (“this has an intact seal and it expired in early ’14… is this truly worthy of the court costs?”) and a little, gentle nudging (“I’m telling you… if I find ONE expired thing put BACK on those shelves I will shiv you in the kidney”) we got down to it.
Our first priority was betting on the worst expiration date and establishing a spot for that food to rest until unseated (we had 5 lead changes during the course of the pantry sweep, by the way and Dan’s prediction was closest to the actual date).
I gotta say, I think I’m more put out by the lack of disgust(?) or awe(?) from people upon hearing the story than I am about having brown rice that expired in August 2012.
WHAT IS GOING ON IN KITCHENS ACROSS AMERICA, PEOPLE????
Apparently 4 years-expired food qualifies us as rookies. People literally shamed me for my feeble shot at the “I Live in Squalor” award… buncha damned expiration date bullies.
I swear to you here and now… I will not throw out that rice. I’m gonna shove that shit to the back of the pantry and DARE anybody to go after it!
Me and the rice’ll see you people in 2025…
We have been eating expired food for years and we’re still here. However, I must share a Kyler story. Today, Grandad gave him a prepackaged tapioca pudding for a snack. Denny ask how he liked it and he answered “Was it old because there were lumps in it.” Would we give this precious grandson, who we moved 130 miles to live closer, expired (old) pudding ?
Why are you feeding him tapioca pudding??? Is he on Medicare? Stop feeding that boy such things 😉
Welcome back!
thanks Aunt Sirl…. <3